UNBROKEN: Finding Your Inner Strength to Boost Confidence (Part I) – Overcoming Fear

What is YOUR “inner strength”? Do you know? Have you spent much time thinking about it?

Right now are you thinking of your positive qualities: I am kind, giving, a good listener, generous… ? These are all wonderful! However… these are ‘strengths’ that you use to enhance relationships with others, to support others when they are in need. But what strengths do you use to support yourself in times of unpredictability, uncertainty and hardship? What ‘inner strengths’ do you call upon when you feel off balance, insecure, don’t know what to expect or what to do next?

If you knew that your inner strength(s) could increase your confidence if you were more aware of them, would you want to know what they are? I WOULD!

Who couldn’t use a little more confidence in their life? A little more: courage, assurance, tenacity, fearlessness, daring and grit?

Most of us have endured struggles that have left our confidence levels depleted, left us feeling broken. These hardships may have been:

  • health struggles
  • mental health
  • school
  • work
  • relationship issues
  • dealing with grief
  • abuse
  • parenting
  • goals unmet
  • and many more
The pieces of our life

Where do we find the strength to rebuild, and increase our confidence, our self-esteem, once the pieces of our life begin to fit together again?

Our INNER STRENGTH comes from the totality of our experiences – both the positive and the difficult must be embraced. Our struggles develop our inner strengths just as powerfully as our accomplishments, greatest moments, and sometimes even more so. We can find our strength within ourselves if we know it is there, and where to look. You have to let the fire inside you burn brighter than the fire around you and you will find your inner strength.

This calls for vulnerability and none of us seem to like that word! Being vulnerable means we are opening ourselves up to the possibility of being hurt, so to be vulnerable ‘feels’ weak. But this is where we are wrong, ladies!

Vulnerability is not weakness. Vulnerability requires strength and courage. Vulnerability is where change happens!

You have endured struggles over which you had NO control. Why not ‘choose’ to be vulnerable and show up for yourself, be IN control as you confront your fears and say, “NO MORE!” It doesn’t have to be comfortable in the moment, but with this courage, you will find your “inner strength” and from there, your “confidence” will flourish!

Don’t let your struggles be your side hustles, always fighting with yourself to determine your own self-worth.

  • Be Fearless
  • Be Daring
  • Be Vulnerable
  • Be Courageous

What’s your story? It’s time to get inside it, and own it, girl! Are you ready to be IN control, be courageous and vulnerable, confront your fears and watch your confidence grow? (This is where you yell, “HELL, YA!”) Let’s take the first step toward finding our inner strengths. We are going to kick our fears’ ass together! Let’s do this!

What is FEAR and how can fear diminish our confidence? There are many types of fear that limit us day-to-day, some of them we don’t recognize, or choose not to recognize in ourselves (because why the heck would we want to be vulnerable and do that, am I right?):

  • fear of judgment
  • fear of failure
  • fear of rejection
  • more specifically the fear of public speaking
  • and more

Do any of these fears resonate with you? Do you see any of these in yourself?

Outstanding influencers have voiced their thoughts about what fear is, the limitations fear places on us, and the results of these limitations.

Nelson Mandela declared:

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Let’s look at the fear of judgment as an example. Fear of judgment has dramatically increased rates of social anxiety, led to a shocking number of women who avoid the gym or running in public, has had a paralyzing effect on many talented women (and men) who will not action their purpose/business/life goal or embrace their potential for fear of criticism, and has also led to increased debt ratios due to a “keep up with the Jones'” mentality. Perhaps you are affected by the fear of judgment in one of these ways or in another way.

Try these four strategies if you recognize the fear of judgment as limiting you:

  • Do you have the courage to say, “I am enough”? To holler it from the hilltops, “I AMMMM ENOOOUUUGGHH!” To write this affirmation on your mirror, make it your screen saver, place sticky notes around your home that you will see, set pop-up reminders on your phone.
  • Can you let your judgment go? Just catch yourself mid-judgment, and bravely intervene. Recognize your judgmental thought, your judgmental mindset, and choose to let it go. “I would so go to the gym if my ass wasn’t so…” AH! Caught you! Good-bye!
  • You think finding your inner strength might be a challenge, how about owning your inner critic? Bring – it – on! Your inner critic has you doubting yourself, questioning your self-worth, comparing yourself to others.

Guess what? No matter what you do or where you go, people will judge you. FACT! But, guess what else? Those who judge others are too busy judging others and doing nothing themselves out of fear. So why do you care what the critics have to say? Are you going to let them be your reason for not being vulnerable, courageous, daring, fucking awesome and living a life with meaning and purpose? (This is where you yell, “HELL NO!”)

Be like Nelson Mandela! That man was the real deal! He had tenacity and grit! He was fearless! He showed courage and triumphed over fear despite being afraid! You can too!

That is some daring shit! But… keep in mind:

“The fears we don’t face become our limits.” – Robin Sharma

If we allow FEAR to control us, and we do not have the courage to contain our fear – we allow it to limit us, our dreams, and our potential. We do not feel we are good enough. Do you see how fear can paralyze us? How the fears we choose not to face can become our greatest limits and defeat us?

Don’t let fear stand in your way!

Fear of failure is a fear many choose to never face, not only because confronting fears is undesirable but because most of us see failure as a huge negative – it is a big, bad direct reflection of our skills, value, worthiness and potential. Yuck! Unfortunately, by not staring the fear of failure straight in its ugly face, we are allowing it to control us, and keep us from progressing in life and from fulfilling our dreams.

Fear kills hope. It can hold you back from something you know you are capable of doing. Fear will paralyze you! But… what if we can change your perception of failure so that you embrace it, rather than fear it? Whoa… this is some daring shit right here!

  • Fear has us believe we are losers if we fail. Even successful people fail (Einstein, the lightbulb, blah blah blah, you’ve heard it a million times) The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is: successful people overcome fear, take further risks, and learn from their mistakes. They continue to grow, and you can too. You are not alone in your experience of fear of failure or your experience of failure.
  • You cannot predict the future. You cannot control the future. Don’t let the unpredictable stop you from trying. What if I fail? But… What if I succeed?
  • Failure leads to expertise! Have you ever wanted to be an expert at something? The best of the best? Instead of fearing failure, view potential failure as an opportunity to become an expert. Try one way, it doesn’t work? Try another way. It doesn’t work? Try two hundred other ways! Stop fearing it! Get out there and kick some ass!

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.”

– Les Brown

“Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will.”

Have the courage to be vulnerable and act on fear if you want to begin to find and build your inner strength so that you can increase your confidence!

If it were easy – everyone would do it! You have the courage! Be fearless, be daring, define your own path and choose you, girl!

Check out one of my favorite videos about overcoming fear.

Krista xo

Embracing Life to Achieve Your Goals

You know all those things you’ve always wanted to do? You should go do them, or as NIKE says “Just do it”! But what if it seems like there is some unseen or unknown force just simply stopping you? You know it’s there but you can’t see it or put your finger on it. It’s a perceived barrier or a wall that you believe is unbreakable.

These barriers all have to do with our thoughts and emotions. Have you ever heard the quote:

“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right” – Henry Ford.

This relates to positive thinking. Pay attention to negative thoughts or what you vocalize such as:

  • I can’t
  • I won’t
  • It’s too hard
  • It’ll never happen, etc, etc…

Are these based on reality? How do you know? Try this – take a deep breath by inhaling and exhaling slowly and deeply a few times, ground yourself, dig deep, and consider what thoughts are causing the lack of forward movement in your life. Contemplate these thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts:

  • I can
  • I will
  • I’ll perservere
  • This WILL happen…

Let’s face it, you really need to break through that wall or step over that barrier. Consider how badly you want to achieve your goals.

As Tony Robbins says “take massive action toward your goals”.

Perhaps you might consider some minor short term pain for long term gain? Take the first step and then repeat. Repeat again. Soon enough you’ll realize that it’s amazing what you will find on the other side.

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Remember that a life coach or a trusted family member or friend can help you start, keep on track, and achieve your goals. So let’s get you on your way to:

Living

Inspired

Fulfilment

Everyday

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Stay tuned for more inspiring blogs and other interesting content.

Living inspired and hoping to inspire you

BESTLIFE! 2018

It’s the start of a new year and you are pumped to get or keep going on your new years resolutions…right?!? Or, now that we are a few weeks into the year have you found yourself stumbling out of the gate? Do you need a push or a gentle reminder? Do you find yourself doing “busywork” much more than some of your most passionate work, you know…the things that motivate you? We are all human, but that’s the point. We are human beings, not human doings. Sure, you have things that must get done every day but are you consciously making time for the things you really want to do?

As human beings we have the ability to make a conscious choice to embrace life, and live our best life. But why do we get caught up in all of this busywork hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year? It’s because we chug along in life doing what we feel we need to do, but we don’t take enough moments to clarify what it is that really matters to us. We just keep doing what we’re doing because others have told us that this is what we should do in life. Have you taken the time to figure out yet what YOUR bestlife looks like?

Living your bestlife may include many different areas including:

So how are you going to live your bestlife? Start with this: picture yourself doing what you love to do whether it’s serving others, taking a walk in nature, slowing down at times

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Me on a hike in BC

to appreciate the little things in life, or taking a course in something that you love. How does it feel? Pretty good hey? So how do you get to this place? TAKE ACTION! Sure, easier said than done. So how do we take action?

  • Put one foot in front of the other. Repeat.
  • Research and spend time with who/what you love.
  • Take a course or read about something that’s interesting to you.
  • Say no to busywork sometimes.
  • Strike a healthy balance between work and play.
  • Make better choices (i.e. stop and ask yourself if this current decision is beneficial for yourself, or serves others).
  • Find a passion and motivation, see Motivation – it’s an inside job.

One more important thing. Put aside all of the things everyone told you about who you are and what you should do. Now take some time to figure out who you really are and what you love to do (your life purpose). Once again I’ll repeat this…then TAKE ACTION! Always remember that this is all on you, and you can do it. Make it happen.

TakeAction

For further information check out a previous blog on Embracing Life Every Day.

If you have anything to add to this or any general questions on living your bestlife I would love to hear from you. We are all in this together, and I want to learn from others too.

Embracing life as best I can,

Kevin

Motivation – it’s an inside job

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Motivation is a word that’s used a lot, but do we fully understand it? What is motivation and where does it come from? Why is it so important?

Now, motivation can be seen as something outside of ourselves. Like when we watch something or hear of something that really motivates us. But therein lies the key to the world of motivation…something triggers or sparks our inner drive. Motivation is really self-specific. It’s individual. It’s what’s inside of you. It’s always “there”, ready for a trigger…ready for you to be the best you can be. So let’s dig into this fascinating word called motivation.

Motivation can be defined as an initiation / desire / willingness to do something. Like I mentioned, it’s specific to you. Unfortunately it has the potential to get buried deep in all of us, especially during tough or seemingly difficult times. Sometimes it feels like it will never surface again, or maybe we can’t remember the last time we were motivated.

So then the question is – how do I unleash this beast called motivation?!? We all know it’s a beast because we’ve likely all seen it. Remember those times when you’ve been driven to, and taken, resulting action to do that thing you’ve wanted to do? How did it escape? Where oh where did that thing inside of you come from?

It really comes from the stories, thoughts, and emotions from within us. So then how does it appear when we need it? How can we conjure it up at a moments notice? Here are three tips for unleashing the beast (or if you prefer, accessing our inner motivation):

  1. Visualize it. Remember a time when motivation came to you naturally. What did it feel like? What were you doing? What was the visualization or picture in your head? Try to focus and re-create this. This helps to see what it is you’re after with clarity. Or if this doesn’t work, think about what would make you jump out of bed every morning, or if you prefer, ask yourself what’s really burning in your heart?
  2. Watch it. Type “motivational video” into a Youtube search and there are several great ones to choose from. Pick one that really resonates with you. You’ll know it resonates with you if you can’t get enough of it! Check out one of my favorite motivational videos here. Seriously take six minutes to watch this…I cannot get enough of this powerful video… Unbroken – Motivational Video
  3. Affirm it. Look at this blog photo which states “wake up every morning and tell yourself – I can do this“. Telling yourself you can do it can help unlock your potential inner desire. If this doesn’t work at first, practice telling yourself “I can do this” every morning. To help reinforce the desire, affirm it a few times throughout the day.
  4. Write it. What do you really want to achieve (i.e. what’s the goal)? It helps if you can write/type it. Now add short-term steps that will help you get to this long-term goal. Now add actions (short term, like tomorrow and next week; and longer term actions). These actions should have some sort of a line of sight to your long-term goals.

Regarding #3, don’t worry if these include baby steps. Baby steps are still much better than taking no steps at all. In fact, I encourage baby steps. These steps can help keep you going on the right path, rather than attempting to attain a larger goal that seems insurmountable or unattainable.

I hope these steps help you unleash the inner drive that creates your moments of motivation. If you have any other methods towards triggering your inner motivation I would love to hear them!

Motivationally,

Kevin