You know all those things you’ve always wanted to do? You should go do them, or as NIKE says “Just do it”! But what if it seems like there is some unseen or unknown force just simply stopping you? You know it’s there but you can’t see it or put your finger on it. It’s a perceived barrier or a wall that you believe is unbreakable.
These barriers all have to do with our thoughts and emotions. Have you ever heard the quote:
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right” – Henry Ford.
This relates to positive thinking. Pay attention to negative thoughts or what you vocalize such as:
I can’t
I won’t
It’s too hard
It’ll never happen, etc, etc…
Are these based on reality? How do you know? Try this – take a deep breath by inhaling and exhaling slowly and deeply a few times, ground yourself, dig deep, and consider what thoughts are causing the lack of forward movement in your life. Contemplate these thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts:
I can
I will
I’ll perservere
This WILL happen…
Let’s face it, you really need to break through that wall or step over that barrier. Consider how badly you want to achieve your goals.
As Tony Robbins says “take massive action toward your goals”.
Perhaps you might consider some minor short term pain for long term gain? Take the first step and then repeat. Repeat again. Soon enough you’ll realize that it’s amazing what you will find on the other side.
Remember that a life coach or a trusted family member or friend can help you start, keep on track, and achieve your goals. So let’s get you on your way to:
Living
Inspired
Fulfilment
Everyday
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Stay tuned for more inspiring blogs and other interesting content.
(My husband and I attended the Growth Summit in Phoenix, Arizona, Oct 19-21, 2017. There were the most incredible, inspiring and influential people there. Brendon Burchard, Larry King, Dr. Daniel Amen, Dean Graziosi, Ethan Willis, Trent Shelton, Chris and Heidi Powell, Daniel “Rudy” Reuttiger, Harvey McKay, and more. I will share my biggest moment from that weekend with you.)
“What’s the story you are telling yourself that is stopping you from reaching your goal?”
I can’t remember if it was Brendon Burchard, Dean Graziosi or Ethan Willis who asked this question, but I do remember it was 6:50pm on Thursday, one week ago, when all three of them stood on that stage, 20 feet in front of me, and I thought:
That’s it!
It is my thoughts.
I think that I need to be “perfect” for people to want to connect with me, want to learn from me, and be able to trust me.
And then suddenly, overwhelming FEAR set in. Why fear? Because I knew at that moment, in order to move forward, to achieve my goals, I needed to change my thoughts, change my mindset. That’s scary.
F forget
E everything
A and
R run
I took the evening to quietly contemplate how I might begin my journey of changing my imprisoning mindset to an empowering one.
I repeated Brendon’s words from the day back to myself like a mantra,
“Own your dream!”
“Do not live below your potential.”
I asked myself over and over:
What am I afraid of?
Not being perfect?
Not measuring up to society’s standards?
Judgment from others?
I thought… pfft… I can handle that! I can change that! Those things may bother me a little bit subconsciously, but with some conscious effort, I’m back in the game baby!
The next morning, I woke up feeling more empowered, positive, ready to take on new challenges.
Later that afternoon, as Trent Shelton inspired everyone in that room, asking the pointed questions… SHIT GOT REAL for me!
“What are you running from, that you need to stop running from?”
“OWN yourself!
OWN your imperfections, your past, your mistakes!
Then NO ONE can hold it against you.
BE YOURSELF!”
Then for the bombshell:
“What’s going to be YOUR story that changes the world?”
Give the world your story, it is the ONLY way to influence change in others
Be transparent. Share the things you aren’t proud of; THAT is how you will influence others!
You never know who is watching; you never know who you are going to affect.
Give your pain, your struggle a voice.
*Share your journey, don’t worry about it being perfect.
NO… WAY… IN… HELLLLLL!
Forget Everything And Run! FEAR! FEAR! FEAR!
Thanks Trent 😉
There it was! The TRUE answer to the question:
“What’s the story you are telling yourself that is stopping you from reaching your goal?”
I, Krista, cannot share my personal story, my journey with the world.
I cannot be transparent.
I cannot share my pain, my struggles.
Yet I KNOW, in my heart and mind, this IS the only way to influence change.
So… what now?
Alot of tears; Support from my wonderful husband who took the time that evening to identify the positive steps I had already taken in this direction.
Both being Life Coaches, of course we discussed goal setting and strategies for moving forward based on past successes. We also discussed how each success would be celebrated.
I guess I hadn’t even thought about some of my successes in this area, until that night. I thought I was starting at zero. Sharing them now will be another success.
I will share one for the first time to begin this journey… deep breath.
On my website, I briefly share that I was widowed at 37 years old. My husband died by suicide after 13 years of marriage. I don’t have shame, I don’t have guilt because he chose to take his life. I do have guilt because of what it did to my daughter and my other daughter who is no longer with us. I didn’t fully understand the damage that was being done with us all living under one roof, as a family. I thought it was safer for my girls, to keep us all together rather than to have them alone with him on weekends, if we were to separate.
Our marriage did end, but my husband slept in the guest room for ten months and we made every effort to make it appear “normal” to our girls and everyone else. At that time, I did very seriously look into whether my children could be protected by the mental health act or any act for that matter, and not be under his care if theychose (despite their young ages), but they could not. He had rights to see his children (which I didn’t want to keep him from) unsupervised, despite his serious mental health concerns. So I did what I thought was best for as long as possible. I believe I was wrong now. I continue to live with the consequences of my decisions. I continue to work through my guilt.
F face
E everything
A and
R rise
I am changing my definition of fear as I work through this process. I am allowing fear to contribute to my growth.
Holy cow! I did it!
What am I running from? Not that! I’m on a roll.
Here’s something no one knew… (well some friends and family knew our story, but not that it is available on Amazon) 😉
In 2015, I wrote a personal story about our ectopic losses that was published in the book, The Untold Stories of Ectopic Pregnancies, Part 2, {Compiled by Cindy Sexton, available on Amazon.com}, entitled “Our Bean and Our Blueberry”. (and told no one lol)
In March 2014, we had a ruptured ectopic. I lost a baby with a beating heart, that we heard, more than once. I also lost a fallopian tube. My life was very much in danger, but I recovered well. In July 2014, at 8 weeks pregnant again, we had another ruptured ectopic. This time I felt immense pain around my kidneys, shoulder blades and eventually lungs from the internal bleeding. I lost another baby with teeny arms and stubs for legs and a healthy beating heart. I also lost my second fallopian tube and experienced damage to my ovary as a cyst the size of an orange was removed. I lost alot of blood, and this time, the fight back was not as easy.
I am a private person. Our wedding was scheduled for less than two weeks. We had to change the date and tell those that were invited and all the vendors. We were showered with love and kindness. We didn’t however, take the time to grieve as we had to replan our wedding, and focus on my recovery. That is why I wrote the story. It was my therapy. I did it for me.
I have more difficult stories to share. I will continue to work up the courage to do so by changing my mindset, changing my thoughts and reminding myself of the importance of authenticity.
I am grateful for such a forum, I am grateful for the inspiration and encouragement from Trent Shelton, Brendon Burchard and others last weekend.
I know from past losses and past trauma, that the only way to repair is to face the pain.
“Pain is the foundation of strength.” -Trent Shelton
The toughest moments in your life, the moments you hate the most, the moments that are most difficult to share – those are the moments that build you up the most! Those are the moments that make you GROW! Those are the moments that inspire others to grow!
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
-Maya Angelou
Is your mind caught up in negative thought patterns?
Life satisfaction begins with a positive mindset.
If you believe you are pathetic, guess what…
If you believe you will fail, you are destined to.
However…
If you believe you are powerful, you are!
If you believe you will succeed, you can!
Mindset is a way of thinking, based on a set of beliefs, that determines one’s behaviour, outlook and mental attitude.
Your mind is a powerful tool, fill it with positive thoughts and your life will start to change positively.
Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by CHANGE.
-Jim Rohn
What do you want? What do you truly want your everyday “normal” to be? Really think about it.
Maybe you want to start working out each morning before the kids wake up, and feel energized.
Or you have a weight loss plan you are considering;
How about an education or career plan that you have been thinking about? Put it into action!
Are you thinking you would like to travel more?
Or do you and your partner want to spend more quality time together?
It is not an unreachable dream… a future plan. Part of creating your “normal” for today is picturing it as a natural part of your everyday life now. Visualize it, and master the art of living it now. Be the energy you want to attract. Begin to live it, create your “normal”, your new reality.
Right now some of you are saying:
“Ya but, my life has been so hard.”
“My circumstances don’t allow for the changes I want to make.”
“You don’t know what I’ve been through.”
MINDSET.
I, like you, have endured some struggles.
In the past 5 years, I have been widowed in my late 30’s, after 13 years of marriage (suicide as a result of PTSD); lost my dad to cancer; battled for my own life twice with two ruptured ectopics, and suffered the loss of those pregnancies; coped with the effects of our adopted daughter’s mental illness and the associated loss; and am currently dealing with the neurological illness that my thriving 14 year old has suddenly developed and is now affecting her athletic and academic performance; I have had to change careers; and more… My struggles will not be the same as yours, and can’t be compared. But we all have struggles. It is how we choose to let them affect us.
Make the choice to change your perspective and embrace today with positivity, despite the challenges and stumbling blocks, and always be grateful for the little things (a sunset, a puppy licking you, a baby trying to walk, a horse running through a field, the majestic mountains in the distance, a cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger…).
My life would not be as happy, fulfilled and wonderful as it is without gratitude and a shift to a positive mindset.
A positive mindset, gratitude, alwaysremember that everyonehas struggles, and it is how they choose to deal with them, that can create positive change; this is how I have achieved my goals, and chosen to live the life I am living.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
-George Bernard Shaw
What choices do you need to make to create this “normal”?
What actions do you need to take?
Define your goal(s)
Change your beliefs – from negative thought patterns to positive thought patterns; “I am worthy of this”; “I am deserving”; “there is time”; etc
Think positive thoughts – “I can do this!”
Identify fears and potential obstacles – “I will not succeed”; “I have failed in the past”; “I will not have the support of others”; “I do not believe in myself”; “I cannot stick with anything”; etc
Practice gratitude – be grateful for what you do have, and each step that you do accomplish toward achieving your goal and shifting your mindset
To achieve goals and live the life you want to live, you don’t need superhuman strength, or the ability to time travel or wall crawl like Spiderman. All you need is tochange your mind. Sounds pretty simple really, doesn’t it?
A child. A spouse, partner. A family member, friend, student, teacher, mentor, co-worker, neighbour,
Out of our control. Disorientating. Shattering. Debilitating. Overwhelming. Confusing. Frightening.
Something so gut-wrenching. Life-changing…and without our permission. We are unable to regain our balance, for we react to this loss with such intensity.
This is natural. Our body is in a state of emergency.
Do we all react to this state of emergency the same? No. Some of us may become very able, operating at a high level of efficiency. Others may become detached, and appear numb to the circumstances surrounding them. While others may cry and fall to pieces. But we do all react.
Think about if you cut your finger quite badly. It will bleed, the wound will require immediate attention as it is likely an emergency. Do we all react the same in this situation? No. Some of us will be perfectly calm, some will cry, scream, have a panic attack, and some of us may even pass out at the sight of the blood. We will all react differently, but we still need to treat the cut.
What is a “normal” reaction to the loss of a loved one, during the initial days, weeks months?
spontaneous emotion
temporarily blocking the long-term implications of the loss
seeing the lost one
confusion and disorientation restlessness
irrational fear
forgetting the lost one is gone
disbelief
anger and resentment
feelings of guilt and blame
physical disturbances
too busy to mourn
obsession with memories
unexplainable experiences
and more…
“Normal” is a wide range of behaviours or reactions.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross developed the Stages of Grief that describes the series of emotions we tend to follow as survivors of a loved one’s death. These stages help us to identify what we may feel as we progress through the grief process, but the process may not always be as straightforward as this.
Denial/Shock “No, not me!”
Anger/ Flood of feelings “Why me?”
Bargaining “Yes me…But at least…”
Depression “Oh no, it is me.”
Acceptance “So be it.”
Back to your cut finger for a moment.
You have made it through the first phase: you bled, reacted (your way: calmly, passed out, cried, screamed or perhaps some other way), and had it treated.
Now the skin will typically seal itself within 48 hours (or more if stitches were required). Once it is initially sealed, the body begins to develop a scar by developing scar tissue, filling in the area between the wounds edges. This can take months or years.
This healing process has three stages:
Inflammatory – “the angry red stage” (body produces antibodies to fight off infections, scab forms)
Rebuilding – this can take months and there may be setbacks, but the wounded skin will get stronger
Maturation – It can take years for scars to fully heal. As time goes on, they will continue to slowly fade. There are products that can be used to help fade the scars more quickly. Once improvemment is no longer seen, ithe products can be discontinued.
Note: Irregular Healing – not all scars heal well or the same.
Now, what do cutting your finger and losing a loved one have in common you ask?
Let’s compare the Kubler-Ross Stages of Grief and the Healing Process:
Kubler-Ross Stages of Grief
Healing Process for Injury
Commonalities
1) Denial/Shock
1st Phase: bleed, react, treat
Sudden tragedy, overwhelming, frightening, “State of Emergency”
Healing… whether it be from an injury, or from tragedy or loss of a loved one by way of the grief process, follows a similar pattern. No matter what “your” process is, even though it will be different from others’, it is natural and it is normal. Grief looks different in everyone, and to everyone. Grief is a very individual process. The only trait that is common to all, just like in the healing of a wound, is: it takes time.
Let me explain why I feel so compelled to discuss grief today.
Our town of 14,000 people (and surrounding areas), has experienced many tragic deaths in the past few years.
My heart is breaking for the parents, siblings, families, friends, the youth, the teaching and coaching staff, and the communities as a whole, that are repeatedly impacted by the sudden deaths of youth. There have also been many parents of children in our community lost, many grandparents, incredible contributors to our community and more.
You will not overcome the loss of a loved one. You will learn to live without your loved one.
You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you suffered.
You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to be the same.
– Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I am beginning to question, in particular:
How much can our youth handle? How much loss in a community is too much loss? What is the best way to address these losses? Are we doing enough?
Do youth truly understand loss and grief?
Is social media enough of an outlet for them to express their grief?
Is the online community creating an ability for everyone to stake a claim in your loved one’s death through sappy posts that misrepresent who she/he was?
Is social media rationalizing death but obscuring the “reality of loss”?
Does it create an impulsive need to ascribe meaning to senseless tragedy at a safe distance, rather than be deeply human?
Does it allow us to avoid the uncomfortable physical interactions (that we have always wanted to avoid… be honest), and avoid addressing death in person, with the bereaved? Or because we have addressed it on social media, do we now feel more comfortable addressing it in person, since it is not the first time?
Is social media creating a lack of genuine empathy and connection, or is it making us more aware and bringing us closer together?
So many questions. So many different answers based on both opinion and research.
“Digital grieving”…
Does it provide a beneficial podium for mourners to speak of their loss?
OR
Does it create a pressure to speak of grief and loss, (especially for teenagers)?
Does it demand tending to your ‘followers’ needs, rather than your own? Providing them with updates and inspirational messages about your recently lost loved one?
Does it create a strain between navigating your personal grief and your ‘followers’ or ‘friendships’?
Do you feel forced to reflect too much at a time that you don’t have the capacity or energy to manage it?
OR
Do you feel it serves as a form of group therapy to handle difficult issues such as death?
Does having your voice heard online make you feel supported, as though others have compassion and empathy for you, when they ‘like’ your post?
Does seeing the multitude of photos, videos and funny and inspiring stories of your loved one, posted by others, in different contexts, offer you comfort?
Do you feel that hashtags (#) that promote positive messages about your loved one help with the healing, and provide teachable moments to teens?
Do you believe that social media allows those that did not know your loved one very well , really get to know them now and understand your loss more deeply?
I have left you with a lot of unanswered questions. Really, only you know these answers. There has been research, but the experts support both the benefits and drawbacks of the use of social media when grieving the loss of a loved one. Since the grieving process is as unique as we are, for each individual, the answers to these questions will be as well.
What we do know is this:
Loss of a loved one causes our body to go into a ‘state of emergency’, and none of us will experience this reaction the same way. This is normal and natural.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’, Stages of Grief describe the series of emotions we tend to follow as survivors of a loved one’s death and help us to identify what we may feel as we progress through the grief process.
The Stages of Grief are comparable to the Healing Process when we suffer from a badly cut finger. Healing is healing, it takes time and is different for everyone, but follows similar phases. This is natural and normal.
Youth and Grief… I have posed many questions. What are your thoughts?
Digital Grieving… Since the grieving process is an individual process, different for each of us, researchers are divided on their thoughts as to whether or not the use of social media is beneficial in the grief process or not. What are your feelings on this?
With compassion and empathy,
Krista
Bereavement Support Groups, 2016, Marina Oppenheimer LMHC
Grief and Loss Support Group Facilitator’s Manual, 2015, Susan Hansen {Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Stages of Grief}
Seven Choices: Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World, 2003, Elizabeth Harper Neeld, PhD
Are you kind? Do you practice kindness? If not, how do you do it? Let’s explore…
Let’s start with a basic definition: Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Does that sound like something you would like to incorporate into your daily life? Wouldn’t that make this world a better place to live? If you’re on board, then read on…
In a recent blog on Aligning Your Values and Goals I mention that kindness is an important value that not everyone has (but I certainly wish it was widespread). In some cultures you may generally notice that kindness is more common than in others.
However, did you know that there is a World Kindness Day celebrated every year on November 13? A simple Google search will pull up several organizations that are resourceful for day-to-day kindness information. One example is the Random Acts of Kindness organization which states on its website:
Imagine a world.
Where people look out for each other.
Where we all pay it forward.
Where success is measured in selfless acts.
Where kindness is the philosophy of life.
Now what about happiness? Does kindness actually lead to happiness? Yes, studies have shown that practicing kindness by giving to others (rather than receiving) can lead to more happiness.
What’s even more exciting is that this can lead to a virtuous cycle which may increase our lasting happiness. According to one study completed by Harvard and University of British Columbia researchers and published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, two happiness findings were apparent according to the authors:
People in general felt happier when they recalled a time they bought something for someone else. People felt even happier than when they remembered buying something for themselves.
The happier people felt about their past generosity, generally the more likely they were in the present to choose to spend on others instead of themselves.
So then how do we get to a point where we are practicing more kindness, especially if we feel like we need more of it within ourselves in order to be kinder to others? Kind behavior tends to come to us more naturally when we’re moving towards compassion and connection with others.
Intentionally practicing kindness in our everyday lives, even on days when we’re not in a particularly generous mood, can go a long way toward turning kindness into a habit. That’s largely because of the way kindness breeds happiness: The good feelings serve to reinforce our kind acts and make us more likely to want to perform them in the future.
To state this another way – making concerted effort to perform more kind and generous acts in the short term tends to increase the amount of kindness we perform over the long term. Wow, pretty simple hey?
As Tim McGraw’s song Humble and Kind says:
Don’t take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you’re goin
Don’t forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind.
Maximizing the positive effects of generosity can help with kindness as well. One strategy is to take the initiative to learn about the impact of your generosity, which can elicit contagious feelings of joy. For example, see this video of a bone marrow donor meeting the little girl whose life he saved.
So get out there and practice kindness. Let’s all chip in individually to help make this world a better place.
Goals, behaviours, values. Have you ever wondered how to link these things together so that what you say and what you do are in alignment?
If these things are out of alignment it’s likely obvious to you (or maybe not). As discussed in one of our recent blogs, goals and values tie in to Resilience. When our behaviour towards our goals aligns with our values, then bouncing back from life’s setbacks feels easier and more natural for us.
Let’s see how all of these things important concepts are linked….
Values
Values are like a built-in GPS that guides us in the direction of what truly matters. Values help guide daily actions and decisions. It’s a chosen life path with regard to relationships, personal growth, leisure, etc. For example, a value could be a love for travelling, or being a good mother or father.
A value is something that is meaningful to you, regardless of what’s meaningful to friends and family. It’s individual; however, many of our values tend to align with social values. One example of this alignment is kindness. One of your guiding values may be kindness, but we all know that not everyone finds kindness as one of their guiding values. That’s unfortunate (more on the importance of kindness in a future blog…stay tuned!).
So what if it feels like things are getting in the way of living your values? You’ll need to identify and overcome those things that get in the way. This is an important step, otherwise it may feel like there is constant internal conflict.
Even minor adjustments in behaviors can help steer us towards our overarching values. For example, if one of your values relates to health and wellness yet you continue to eat badly and get little if any exercise, then an internal conflict will likely surface. A minor adjustment will be required (i.e. a little more sleep or exercise).
Goals
Values are your guiding direction, whereas goals are the achievements you set along the way towards the values. For example, if one of your values relates to travel, you could make a goal to go to Australia or the Bahamas – sounds good to me! One behaviour towards this goal may relate to how you spend money. Is it being spent in pursuit of the goal or is it being spent frivolously?
Another example is having a value related to life-long learning. A goal may be to finish a course, or pursue a certificate or degree. Ultimately, goals are informed by our values.
Stress is an important piece that weighs in on living our values. Part of being and living consistent with ones values is to clarify your values, be firmly aware of what they are, know which behaviors enable you to live consistent with these values, and then staying committed to them – despite experiencing stress and unwanted thoughts or experiences. These are the things that will take us off-course or out of alignment and cause us to live inconsistent with our values. For more info on this check out our blog on Changing Your Reaction to Stressful Thoughts.
It’s important to perform periodic check-ins to ensure our behaviours are consistent with our goals and values. If these are out of alignment then it’s time to sit back and re-think and re-adjust. Then commit to trying again. If you need to re-align again that’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Keep at it until your goals and behaviours align again with your values.
Australian psychologist Russ Harris said this about commitment:
Commitment isn’t about being perfect, always following through, or never going astray. Commitment means that when you inevitably stumble or get off track, you pick yourself up, find your bearings, and carry on in the most meaningful direction possible.
Living a life where your goals, behaviours, and values are in alignment is an important step to living your bestlife!
If you lost everything tomorrow would you be able to bounce back? Do you have the skills or talent, the strength or determination to turn failure into success? In spite of obstacles and setbacks, are you willing to keep going…to keep doing…to not give up? All of this relates to resilience.
Let’s start with this example – why is it that a child who grows up in an extremely adverse circumstance may end up doing well in life, whereas a child who grows up in a well-to-do family may end up doing so poorly in life?
It comes down to the fact that there are two basic elements to resilience – surviving and thriving in life. So what does this mean exactly? Another way to consider resilience is that it’s the ability to survive, or the ability to bounce back in life from tough situations. And then, thriving is about the ability to do what matters most in life, and optimizing well-being.
Fall seven times, stand up eight – Japanese Proverb
So where does resilience come from? Is it genetic? Well, here’s some great news – resilience can be acquired! Anne Masten from the University of Minnesota is one of the foremost experts in resilience and her research has shown that resilience can actually be acquired. Acquiring resilience happens by having a general awareness of resilience, engaging in intentional practices, being open to learning, and applying and integrating good lifestyle habits and routines.
Here are six ways you can practice resilience and in essence get the most out of life…
Practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness includes actions such as meditation, mindful breathing, and bringing your awareness to the present moment. These things can help you achieve mental clarity and lower life stressors. One study on the link between mindfulness and resilience in the Journal of Personality and Individual Differences found that “Mindful people … can better cope with difficult thoughts and emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.” Pausing and observing the mind may help us get un-stuck in our story (thoughts) and as a result empower us to move forward.
Ensuring your goals are in line with your overall values (more on this important concept in a future blog…stay tuned!).
Managing negative emotions. Negative emotions narrow attention and behaviour. While emotions are generally a positive thing (some anxiety, anger, happiness is good); emotions can become overly negative when they start to impair – panic, violence, and mania for example. This is where rational and logical thinking get tossed out the window.
Cultivating positive emotions. This is all about paying attention to positive emotions such as joy, serenity, hope, love, etc. Why is this important? First of all, this is essential to building resilience. Also, cultivating positive emotions can help to undo the after-effects of negative emotions. Positive emotions tend to broaden attention and behaviour. Because paying more attention to positive emotions helps you to bounce back from adversity, helps you cope better with stressful situations, and generally creates a more satisfying life. Choosing to pay attention to the positive relates to searching for the silver lining in things, and choosing to see the positive in others. Practicing gratitude is a part of cultivating positive emotions as well. For more information on gratitude, see one of our several gratitude posts.
Meaningful relationships. This includes social connectedness, social support, mentorship, doing good for others, and including positive role models in your life. Regarding mentorship, the relationship includes the mentor – which is someone who can provide knowledge and wisdom on various things, and the mentee which is someone who is seeking to grow.
Therapeutic lifestyle choices (TLC’s). TLC’s combine to optimize physical and mental well-being. What are the three biggest TLC’s?…exercise, nutrition, and sleep. Yes, that’s it. Getting some adequate exercise, paying attention to what you eat (you are what you eat), and for adults – getting approximately 7-9 hours of sleep every night. When it comes to nutrition, I’m not suggesting that you never eat ice cream or pizza again. Moderation is key. Other TLC’s include getting out in nature (or anything else that calms the mind), and scheduling time for relaxation (e.g. deep breathing, listening to music, gardening, etc).
The more difficulties and obstacles you face and overcome or conquer, the more resiliency you will naturally develop. Generally, resilient people are able to welcome change and difficulty as an opportunity for self-reflection, learning, and growing.
So go ahead and practice the six aspects above. See if you can work your way to bouncing back from life setbacks or adversity to RESILIENCE! Good luck and let us know how it goes!
If I said I found the secret to a happier and more fulfilling life, and it is an effortless habit, that takes only minutes a day…
Would you be interested in knowing what it is?
It can:
Lift your mood
Increase motivation
Help you focus your time and energy on the things in your life that you really want to “live with intention“
Not allow you to take things for granted
Lift your spirits; experience joy, even in more difficult times
Have you guessed yet? (here are a few more hints…)
Focus on what is already here, what already surrounds you
Focus on what you can be grateful for in your life
Focus on GRATITUDE EVERYDAY, throughout the day!
That’s right… it is GRATITUDE!
Gratitude fosters happiness, and doesn’t everyone strive for happiness?
To cultivate both gratitude and happiness:
Pause/Breathe: simply pause throughout your day, a brief pause, and ask yourself the question – What or who can I be grateful for today, in my life?
Enjoy the View: look around you throughout your day, and appreciate and acknowledge your surroundings, be grateful for them (the beautiful sunset, the laughing children, the cute puppy, the majestic mountains)
Be Insightful: improve your self-esteem and self-confidence by being appreciative of yourself. Make a habit of identifying things you can be grateful for about yourself each day (you helped someone out, you made a good decision, you met a goal, your sense of humour was spot on today)
The Little Things: look for the small daily things you can appreciate, the things you may take for granted (your lunch, your dog welcoming you home each day, your car getting you to work each morning, the pen that allows you to write your thoughts/lists)
Timing is Everything: You will learn to recognize and acknowledge gratitude all the time, before you know it! But until then, it helps to set aside 1 minute in the morning each day or 1-2 minutes in the evening, before bed, and use a journal or Gratitude Box
Yell It From the Rooftops: You can’t keep all of this gratitude bottled up inside! You need to express it! You are grateful for all that surrounds you and you are happier, so let others know you are grateful for having them in your life – make them happy as well!
So there you have it! The secret to a happier and more fulfilling life:
GRATITUDE!
Happiness isn’t about finding something new, it is about focusing on what is already here, and appreciating it, being thankful for it.
Gratitude turns what you already have into enough.
You can always choose to be grateful, which in turn, means you can always choose to be happy. Think about it…
With overwhelming gratitude for my multitude of simple life blessings, and in happiness,
Attitude is contagious, is yours worth catching? Consider this – your attitude towards anything can work with you towards your goals and dreams, and can lead you to accomplish things you didn’t think were possible. OR conversely, your attitude can work against you and limit your potential, which keeps you in a spiral of negative attitude.
It’s also contagious in that your attitude affects others – whether it’s family, friends, or co-workers. If your positive attitude today makes one person smile then isn’t it worth it? I think so. Remember that you may only be one person to the world, but to one person you may be the world.
So which one do you choose? Yes, it is a choice! If you want to live your best life, it’s an easy choice. Choose a positive attitude.
Stress. One little word that seems to be on many people’s minds these days. If you’re finding stress entering into your day-to-day life, I would like to offer some suggestions on how to alleviate this state of mind. Here’s one simple way. Wayne Dyer says:
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
So what does this mean, exactly? Consider for a moment that an outside event can invoke completely different thoughts for two different people. Person #1 may think – wow, that’s so cool!, or I’m good with that. Meanwhile the exact same event may cause person #2 to melt down or say I am so not good with that. What’s the difference? It’s the immediate unconscious thoughts due to years of conditioning. That’s all.
Consider how you might change your own thoughts and responses to outside things or people. It’s really not important to change people or things (good luck with that anyways), it’s more important to consider your own reaction to the seemingly unchangeable. So just let it go, and change the way you view the thing that is seemingly creating stress for you. Of course that sounds easy but it can be difficult to take either of these actions (changing your thoughts or letting go).
Part of alleviating stress in your life relates to letting go of things you cannot control or change. It’s an inner choice:
– you can choose to stay in an out-of-control spiral where external stressors like people or things typically don’t change; or
– you can remove yourself from the stressor by thinking differently about it; whether it’s for a moment or longer term. So again you basically have two options:
1. Stay the course and continue to feel the stress; or
2. Change your inner thoughts and reaction to the stress event. Then feel the weight lifted off your shoulders (in other words, stress begone!).
Which do you choose? I prefer the one that lessens my stress.
Emotions. Everyone who wants a piece of inner peace say “I”. We discussed thoughts earlier, but consider that your thoughts create your emotions (because without a thought there would be no emotion – where do you think emotion comes from?). It’s true that emotions can be beneficial in some ways and for some things. They’re part of our system of sensing and responding to the world. But try not to let emotions completely control you. They will chew you up and spit you out if you let them run rampant. So please, make a good choice. Never allow another person or event to control your thoughts and emotions.
Again, this sounds simple on paper, and it may be easier said than done. How do you change your thoughts and resulting reactions. Better yet, how do you sustain this change into a learned behaviour? This is where “leverage” may come in handy. Tony Robbins says “Leverage is uncovering what’s most important to a person to help them make the commitment to making a change. To ensure that change is lasting, the commitment has to be overwhelming. It has to overcome the forces of inertia that hold our old behaviours and beliefs in place.”
He goes on to say that “to access leverage, you must…associate massive PAIN to not changing NOW, and massive PLEASURE to changing immediately. The motivation is based on both pain AND pleasure. Pain is short-term motivation, but you need the pleasure side for long-term motivation.”
To sum up, consider how a better life choice decision for alleviating stress, like changing your thoughts or emotional reaction to external events, could help you change your life for the better.
Continue to practice these strategies and you’ll be on your way to living your best life!
“I wish…”
It is not an unreachable dream… a future plan. Part of creating your “normal” for today is picturing it as a natural part of your everyday life now. Visualize it, and master the art of living it now. Be the energy you want to attract. Begin to live it, create your “normal”, your new reality.
The sudden loss of a loved one.
Values are your guiding direction, whereas goals are the achievements you set along the way towards the values. For example, if one of your values relates to travel, you could make a goal to go to Australia or the Bahamas – sounds good to me! One behaviour towards this goal may relate to how you spend money. Is it being spent in pursuit of the goal or is it being spent frivolously?
Have you guessed yet? (here are a few more hints…)
(see: 
Part of alleviating stress in your life relates to letting go of things you cannot control or change. It’s an inner choice: